Boys Need Order
/(from ‘Raising Boys’ Steve Biddup)
The book tells of a new inner city scoutmaster who ‘inherits’ a group of rowdy boys. They are always fighting and damaging the hall and many of the gentler boys have left.
On his first night with the troop, the scoutmaster sets some rules, invites some boys to shape up or leave. He brings a clear structure and begins teaching skills in an organised way.
He successfully turns the the group around and in a couple of months it is thriving.
The scout master explained that there are three things that boys always need to know:
- Who’s in charge ?
- What are the rules ?
- Will those rules be fairly enforced ?
The key word is structure
Boys feel insecure and in danger if there isn’t enough structure in a situation. If no-one is in chge they begin jostling with each other to establish a pecking order. Their testoserone-driven make-up leads them to want to set up hierarchies, but they can’t always do it because they are all the same age. If we provide structure, then they can relax. For girls, this is not so much a problem.
Boys act tough to cover up their fears. If somebody is clearly the boss, they relax. But the boss must not be erratic or punitive. If the person in charge is a bully, the boys’ stress levels rise, and it’s back into the law of the jungle. If the teacher, scoutmaster or parent is kind and fair ( as well as being strict) then the boys will drop their ‘macho’ act and get on with learning.
This seems to be an in-built gender difference. If girls are anxious in a group setting they tend to cower and be quiet, whereas boys respond by running about, making a lot of noise. This has been mistakenly seen as boys’ dominating the space in a pre-schools and so on. However it is actually an anxiety response.
Schools which are very good at engaging boys in interesting and concrete activities do not experience this gender difference in children’s behaviour.